Silence
by MissScaryKitty
Summary: Jurgen seemed to deeply sympathize with Preston when he told him not to see Mary for the last time. This is a story about him and the one he loved. Somewhat of a crack fic b/c it's the first Jurgen based fic. Rated M to be safe; sensuality and violence.


AN: I own nothing except for Emma. Hope you all enjoy.

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Emma slowly made her way through the entrance of the Underground, every one of her muscles pulsated with an aching soreness. The adrenaline that had coursed through her body before now ran like a burning poison through her veins. Closing the secret entrance behind her, Emma dragged herself further into the room and the motion censored florescent lighting snapped on. Squeezing her eyes shut, sensitive from the light, she sucked in a sharp breath. Opening her blood-shot eyes she saw Jurgen's blurry form standing in the far corner of the room. The closer he got the more her eyes adjusted, clarifying his form.

Emma stood there, lightly shaking and shuddering from exhaustion, not aware of her body's movements. Her blood stained lips trembled as her warm breath passed over them. She watched Jurgen, unable to take her eyes off of him.

Jurgen stared at her, there were no tears in her large crystalline eyes, just shock and muted terror. Blood, none of which was her own, matted her hair and was painted across her face in drying streaks and violent smatters. Red droplets, thick like melted candle wax, dripped from the tips of her long, sweat-salted hair. Her black Cleric uniform gleamed with the wet sheen of blood and vital fluids. She smelled like gun powder, smoke, and meat.

Emma felt her eyes become wet and glossy but there was not enough in her to cry. She had killed her own tonight, resistance members. There were too many of them to count and she slaughtered every last one of them. She thought she could spare the ones who did not fight her but there were none. They all came at her with a vicious hatred and a steadfast determination to cut her down. Emma was forced to kill them all.

After it was over and nothing but the smell of gore and smoke stood present in the room, Emma looked at each crumpled body on the ground and thought that it could have been him… it could have been the man that was standing before her now, the man she had sworn to protect with her life, the man she loved with all her heart. Emma didn't have a moments peace until she saw his face again, alive and breathing. But although she had proved to herself that his death was not on her head, there were so many other men whose deaths she did cause. All of whom were innocent, guilty of only feeling too much in the eyes of those who did not know the meaning of the word. All she could do now was look at Jurgen who stood unmoving in front of her and tell herself that her leader was alive, that the Underground was still safe.

Jurgen thought she looked like a tortured animal. Even he, who had forced himself to sacrifice his emotions for the resistance, felt a sharp stab of pain at the sight of her. Clenching his fists at his side, palms sweaty, he forced himself to stay put even though he wanted so badly to reach out to her… just to touch her gently to let her know she was home again and that she was safe again. He didn't go to her because the rational part of his mind told him not to on the grounds that she may be delusional and it was unclear if she would lash out or not. Taking in a shallow, uncertain breath he felt a wave of guilt wash over him. This wasn't an emotionless Cleric, this was his Emma, his warrior, and he sent her to dine with the wolves. She stood by him in everything he did, backed him in every decision he made, and this is how he repaid her. He blinked and a tear ran down his cheek, he should have protected her.

Emma's eyes suddenly darted around the room for a moment as if she felt an enemy was in there with them; her hand immediately went to the hilt of her katana. Sensing there was no threat her bloodshot, feral eyes then fell on Jurgen once more. Just when it looked to him like she was going to attack him, and she would be right in doing so he thought, she suddenly crumpled under her own weight from exhaustion. Jurgen ran to her, wrapping her in his arms before her head smacked against the concrete floor. Hastily gathering her to him, he held her tight to his chest and gently rocked her trembling body in a desperate attempt to soothe her. The feel of his arms around her caused her tears to run freely and to cling to him tightly, her arms locked around his waist.

"Someone help us in here," he called out, Emma cradled in his arms. The blood and gore that was caked in her hair smeared off onto his cheek and streaked his own hair; his cloths were splotched with red stains.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered to her over and over again, the next profession more sorrowful than the last. His feelings were now unrestrained. Jurgen could feel everything, and the pain he endured from hurting the one he loved was felt to the fullest extent. His final words to her before members of the Underground flooded the room to take her away were, "forgive me."

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The night had passed into the early hours of the morning. Emma was cleaned up and taken to her room to rest. She was physically and mentally exhausted. Unable to wait till the morning, Jurgen went to see her, to make sure she was going to be alright. Looking down at her sleeping form Jurgen pressed his thin lips together and exhaled. He should have never have sent her, he thought. Although she was their best fighter and made a most convincing Cleric, he should have known no person with emotions could endure killing their own kind, especially when there were so few of them left.

Looking down at her, he felt the pressing urge to touch her, to kiss her awake, but he repressed these feelings and just stood by her bedside instead. She needed to sleep, he thought, besides he didn't deserve her affection after what had happened last night. Just seeing her should suffice he told himself. Jurgen had become accustom to denying himself things but denying himself her was perhaps the hardest thing he had to do; but he had done it before and he could do it even now. So in the end he just waited in silence for her to wake up.

He couldn't recall the last time he allowed himself the pleasure of feeling. But he knew whenever he forced himself to go and live life aboveground Emma would be there watching over him. He felt most the time, when he would go above ground and subject himself to denying his emotions he was going out of living. However throughout everything, throughout his phases of actually being alive and simply existing, Emma never left him. It was her job to do so but her presence was so much more than that. This woman was like a physical part of him, an extension of his being. She watched him while he was aboveground and loved him when he was allowed to live again. This was simply the way it was. She was his partner, his soldier, and his lover. He often felt her sacrifice was greater than his own.

Unable to stop himself, Jurgen brushed a strand of hair away from her face. Emma didn't stir. This fierce woman looked so angelic when she was sleeping, he thought. She shouldn't love him, he told himself as he slipped his hand in hers. Emma deserved someone who would be able to love her the way she truly deserved. But he knew she wouldn't leave him and as long as this was true he knew he was never going to give her up. If only he hadn't of kissed her, he thought, then they would have been fine...

2 years ago:

They had just returned to his living quarters from a meeting with the head of the resistance. He had just returned from aboveground that morning and the mind numbing effects of the constant brainwashing and propaganda were finally beginning to wear off. Sometimes it got so bad that he would just feel his mind leave his body.

Jurgen sat down on the couch and watched Emma who was in the foyer as she removed her scarf. The members of the Underground were forced to wear heavy coats and sweaters in the winter to keep off the biting cold that permeated their subterranean city. Jurgen pressed his lips together then tore his large, thick lidded eyes away from Emma's form as he began thinking to himself. Instead of feeling relief from being back in the Underground, he felt guilt for seeing that Emma was still with him and that she had not gone home. Although she did not have a family anymore he figured that she had someone waiting for her. She had to have, he thought to himself. She never mentioned a significant other, but he was a smart man and a smart man would know that a woman like her would not be alone.

He then thought of how she guarded him through his vulnerability when living in Libria. She had to make sure he would return to the Underground safely everyday while he was aboveground working for the Tetragrammatron. She was posted as security personnel in the evidence room where he worked. They both put their lives on the line every day however, Jurgen felt guilty at the thought that like him, Emma felt every moment of it. His eyes then returned to her, his cobalt blue hues absorbed the woman before him.

"Is it lonely, looking after me when I'm like this?" He asked her suddenly, his question still sounded calculated from the effects of the propaganda and constant brainwashing but was also laced with strings of emotion. Emma, who was in the middle of making a fire to warm them, turned around to face her leader, her eyebrows knit in concern.

"No." She answered setting down the match on the concrete mantle; a puff of white fog escaped her lips from her declaration. Bending down, she turned off the flow of the gas line to the fireplace. "Even though we don't speak much when you go aboveground, I feel as if we talk all the time."

"How is that?" Jurgen asked, his intelligent eyes gazing up at her from his seat on the couch. Emma bit her lower lip, trying to find the words to explain to him what she meant.

"My father once told me that there is music within silence." She told him. Jurgen leaned in a little, curious as to what she was saying. "Every moment we spend together we are talking to one another. It's the music we feel but cannot hear. When I'm with you, we talk all the time. We exchange very few words but the silences in between are filled with music. The truth is," Emma confessed pressing her back harder against the grey stone wall, unsure if she should say what she was about to, "… I would get lonely without you."

Her words echoed within the concrete walls. Jurgen's breath caught in his throat. Getting up from his seated position on the couch, he approached her. His large eyes gazed into hers as he gently stroked her long hair back with both hands. "Emma…" he whispered in awe. He never thought she could hold such feelings for him, nor was he sure that she should. He always admired her, loved her, but to show her how he felt would open a door to a path he wasn't sure he could go down. Pressing his lips into a thin line he brushed her hair back once more. Emma could see the conflict within his cobalt blue eyes. "Why are you so good to me?" He whispered.

Emma's heartbeat began to race, "Because-"

Her voice hitched and she could not find the words to answer him but seeing that look of longing in her eyes Jurgen didn't need her to continue. Emma's silence told him things in which words would be insufficient to describe. Letting the passion for her that he restrained for years take control of him, Jurgen buried his fingers in her silky hair and pulled her to him. His firm lips met hers as they poured out all their years of longing for one another. Emma wrapped her arms around him, her small fingers clutched the back of his sweater tightly, and Jurgen pulled her closer to him.

"I love you," he whispered to her as he kissed the corner of her mouth. He then trailed his lips along her delicate jaw, and the column of her neck. He was absolutely mesmerized by the woman in his arms. Emma gazed down at him, her large eyes hooded,

"I love you too." She spoke between soft breaths as his warm mouth roamed her cool skin. Emma ran her fingers through Jurgen's hair and pulled his face up to hers so their lips could meet again.

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No one had come to talk to him at all that night, nor was he called to go over any plans with the council. Even though he never said it, they all knew he was in love, they also knew he'd force himself to leave Emma's side if he thought he was needed. That is why they avoided him.

As he looked back down at her sleeping form, Jurgen noticed she was beginning to stir. He gently pulled his hand out of hers and placed it in his lap. He was ashamed that he was even touching her.

Emma opened her eyes to reveal bloodshot hues. When she spotted him sitting beside her she smiled weakly. She looked worse for wear but Jurgen didn't see that, he saw a beautiful woman whom he thanked God was still alive.

Reaching out her pale hand see wrapped her small fingers around Jurgen's wrist affectionately. Jurgen sucked in a breath of relief and placed his hand atop hers.

"I'm sorry," she said sitting up. Her voice was tiered and raspy and her eyes were filled with guilt.

"Don't be." Jurgen urged. His tone was smooth and calming as his thumb gently stroked her knuckles.

"I should be fine by tomorrow." She said reclaiming her hand and folding her arms over her chest. She was now playing the part of the dutiful soldier once more.

Jurgen laced his fingers together and turned his gaze towards the ground.

"You're not going back aboveground tomorrow." He said quietly.

Emma's brows shot up as she turned in her bed to look at him, "What?"

Jurgen only glanced at her from the corner of his eye, "I'm retiring you."

"Why?" She asked sternly, "You know I can do this."

He thought of her devotion to him, her vow she made… "You've given me more than any person should ever ask of a human being. I took it one step too far. Your duty to me is done."

She pressed her lips together and gave him a harsh sideways stare, "What if I don't want it to be?"

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Emma had always had this natural gravitation towards Jurgen, even when she did not fully know him she wanted to be by his side. He was a strange man, but an incredibly intelligent and brave as well.

Although he never said anything to the effect, Jurgen always liked having her with him as well. She was good company, even when he was living above ground and didn't have anything to say, her presence comforted him. It was true that he asked her to stay by him in order to protect him but he really did enjoy having her around.

Jurgen thought of the first time they made love. It held a kind of intimacy that he'd never experienced before. He knew after that night that he never wanted to make love to anyone but her again.

One year earlier:

Jurgen opened the door to Emma's living quarters, hoping that they could go over some plans together before their journey above ground. He hadn't even thought about knocking until he looked up from the files he was shuffling around in his hands.

Emma stood in the room half naked, her shirt and bra lying on the bed. She turned around to face him, wrapping her arms around her breasts before she did. Goosebumps started to form on her flesh as she stood there in the cold. Jurgen stared at her for a moment, even though embarrassment gripped him he would not show it. He couldn't help but look at her for the briefest of seconds, then he took a step backwards towards the door, his eyes cast downwards.

"Sorry," he said quietly reaching for the handle. Emma walked up to him, her arms still covering her chest.

"Really?" She asked looking up at him. He thought her voice held a tinge of disappointment. Her bare feet were only a foot away from touching the toes of his boots. She was so close, he thought. Jurgen looked down at her, his eyes sad and longing,

"No." he whispered, his warm, smooth voice caressing her. He stared at her, trying to imprint this beautiful image of her in his head. She was an angel, bathed in the soft light from the iced windows, but he knew that entertaining the idea of having her was wrong. Their existence in this world was so fragile. If they started something together, it would only tear him apart when she was gone. His hand then reluctantly returned to the doorknob.

Taking one of her arms off her chest, the other still coving herself, she reached up and caressed the smooth plane of his cheek, her warm touch stopping him. The tips of her fingers slid into his hair as she pulled his face down to hers, her lips capturing his in a soft kiss. Taking his lower lip between hers she sucked gently, coaxing him into kissing her back. Jurgen leaned into her and deepened the kiss, causing her to let out a small moan. She then stepped into him. Her other arm slid off her breasts as she pressed her chest into his, her hand grabbing his shoulder. Jurgen softly placed his fingers on the warm flesh of her bare hips. Opening up to his desire, he finally slid his arms around her to envelop her, pouring out everything he felt for her or ever wanted to feel for her in his touch. They both held each other tightly, locked together in a passionate kiss.

As they backed into the bed, Emma fixed her sultry blue hues on his. She smiled warmly as she reached out and pulled him down to her on the bed. Jurgen returned her smile as he bent down and kissed her soft lips once more. He knew then that the only way he could survive living with his feelings for Emma was by folding himself into her.

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"I love you."

Emma shut her eyes pressing the injection gun to her throat and pulling the trigger. Jurgen felt his heart clench in his chest but did nothing to stop her. She was willing to do anything to continue the mission he had given her. Yet when he tried to stop her, to tell her that it was enough, she refused to back down.

"We need this," she told him. There was no stopping her now. She would infiltrate the Tetragrammatron if it killed her. It wasn't for herself, or for him, it was for the resistance. Jurgen understood sacrifices had to be made, but this was too much. He didn't think that he could see this through. But he did, and there was no turning back now.

Emma lowered the gun and opened her eyes. To Jurgen it looked as if she was seeing him again for the first time, only this time her eyes were glazed over, despondent, and uncaring. She was seeing the world through different eyes, her true self pushed back behind a curtain of drugs and replaced by something that was not living but merely existing. Her deadened eyes stared back at his without any emotional connection.

"I love you," he whispered back as she headed towards the aboveground. Light shone around her and in the blink of an eye she was gone from the Underground.

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**AN: Well that's my crack fic! please review and let me know what you think. Just drop me a line. We all know that it's depressing not to have any reviews sooooo it's just a click away to make someone (me) happy. :)


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